Saturday, May 25, 2013

They Walk Among Us

There have been some 'interesting' customers in the store this week...

Scruffy, but not overly so, one chap walked up to me and said, "Have you detected the eerie silence out there recently?" I replied that I hadn't. "You know, a silence, like the Nazis are coming...?" Thinking this an unusual question, I could only once again respond in the negative. "The animals, like Bigfoot and the werewolves," he continued, "are worried, because now cell phones have cameras we can take photos of them and prove their existence!" In response to this excited pronouncement I could only respond with, "Oh, really?" "Yeah," he said, then, with a dramatic change of tone, "...or maybe I'm tripping?" With this he put his right hand to his forehead, screwed up his face in apparent confusion, then toddled off down the aisle and left the store. Bless.

And secondly, finally, as I am losing the will to live here, let me tell you about the CDR I received from a customer recently. After he asked me if I like The Rolling Stones and I said I did, he gave me this disc, saying it contained a book he'd written about the band. A couple of days ago I inserted it into the computer to take a shufti, and shuddered as I began to scan the content. It contains 185 pages of stream-of-consciousness 'poetry' inspired by the band and, as the introduction explains, written entirely under the influence of absinthe and very strong marijuana. If you are lucky I may reproduce a few lines here in future posts, but I think it is only fair to warn you here and now that it is absolutely mental. Well, the first four pages are.

I wonder what it might be like working for Thrifty's?

UPDATE, Sunday May 26: Amazingly, as he does not come in often, the author of said Rolling Stones tome came into the store yesterday. "Did you read it, Dave?" he asked. "Not yet, because I've just moved house and things have been a bit hectic, but I did take a quick look," I responded, in all honesty. "Well, when you do I'd be interested in your thoughts," he said, "because I think it sits somewhere between a masterpiece and complete gibberish."

Seriously, I couldn't make this up if I tried.

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