Just moments ago I read a "breaking news" headline on the BBC website and feel compelled to share it with (all twelve of) you:
"APPLE'S $8.8bn PROFITS DISAPPOINT"
The opening line of the story reads:
"Apple made a net profit of $8.8bn in the three months ending in June, up 21% from a year earlier but lower than forecasts."
So, are you, like me, utterly heartbroken at Apple's declining fortunes? After all, the company made only $8.8bn profit in three months, the poor things. What a terrible letdown. Shame on you, Apple, for making such a tiny profit.
Having generated a mere 21% increase on the same period last year, how in heaven's name can the company survive? How will they put food on the table, clothe themselves or send their kids to school? They're all doomed! Oh my God, the sky is falling!!
Obscene. Truly, utterly, sickeningly obscene.